Well I haven’t updated since forever so it’s not like people miss me but…
I actually have a list for things I wanna write about this post so wow for the first time I plan out a thing I will write and it happens to be my last post. Oh irony.
Tiny Update Blurb: A whole bunch of shit went down with my friends and I’m not sure how much of it is fixed. Someone who somehow had a crush on me asked me out sometime ago and I said yes and I’m not sure what our relationship is at the moment like friend or more than friend idek man. I restarted writing in my diary to an extent. My grades don’t suck this term, and they’re higher than what they were in grade 10 which does impress me. My mom’s trying to kill me by signing me up to a lot of things so that I have no time to go on internet to relax.
That whole blurb was both an update and my reasons for deciding to abandon my blog.
See, I need to pay more attention to my friends and now that I have some (and that’s thanks to this blog actually but whatever) I don’t need to write on my blog because I could talk about my problems to them. Also the new friendboy needs to be invested in time-wise I suppose so that groups up together.
The blog was almost replacing the diary for me when I got more invested in it, except unlike my diary I was leaving out details because people I don’t know may read this shit and be weirded out. Now that I went oldschool again with the whole paper and pen thing… I don’t need the blog anymore. Also this way I don’t need to leave out details of stuff when writing.
My grades are good this term because I’m working hard. I’m telling people that I’m really not working that much, but I lie to them to make myself feel smarter. Truth is, International Baccalaureate is hard shit and I feel challenged and I need to study and do my homework to get a good grade. Trouble comes when I procrastinate. A blog ain’t gonna help here then. I wanna keep my grades high and make some of my grades (chem at a 92 and history at a 93 esp) even higher (they both need to go up to a 95).
My mom. She’s just absolutely infuriating as usual. She’s trying to remove me away from computer and make me more social through emotional and verbal abuse, and because of her I cry nearly every day, and I know it’s an incredible opportunity to have your mom sign you up to shit like swimming but god she’s taking away every single minute I have to escape from family. She signed my sister up to skating lessons on the days I volunteer at the ice rink so I can’t escape her there anymore. She took away my Sundays for lifeguarding. My Wednesdays are already gone for choir; as much as choir is my choice and still escape it’s taking away time from me being able to go on the internet and relax. Thursdays will also be gone. Mondays and Tuesdays will need to be filled with homework. Plus family’s working on doing shit like skiing together every weekend. I have no time to hang out with friends or go on tumblr, let alone write entries.
It’s been infuriating especially this break. I have a lot of homework from a few classes, but the majority of my time is being occupied by sports that scare me, or family activities where I get mocked and bullied by people who say that I should love them because we’re genetically very very similar. Plus I have my low attention span, and I wanna go on the internet to rest. I haven’t gotten anything done yet of course, and I haven’t even gotten to hang out with my friends. And then my family tell me that’s because I have no friends, even though they added so many things to my schedule this break and made it so unpredictable that I have no time to plan stuff with them anyways.
Over the term I got 9 hours of sleep a night at the beginning and that gradually got lower down to 7. I told myself that was fine because I would catch up with sleep over break. What instead happened was that now I get 6 hours of sleep a night. This is because I go on the internet for so long after a physically and emotionally exhausting day spent with people I absolutely hate. My idea of sleeping in is a 9 am wake up, and I often stay up till 2 am trying to refresh mentally and rebuild my self esteem and convince myself to not drink the entire bottle of bleach or PineSol or whatever cleaning product we have in the bathroom.
I’m not deleting my blog because I wanna read these later. These are like diary entries as I said, so it will be interesting.
Occasionally I will update my life on tumblr in tiny text posts or readmores probably.
did i mention how i actually got into the habit of typing like this in the past month because ive been mostly using skype and tumblr tags to write shit?
i probably didnt
because wow its sorta shameful tbh
Happy 2014 everyone
And mostly me. I want a happy 2014. I want my family to stop tormenting me. I want financial security because I will need money for college in less than 2 years. Wow what am I gonna do. I wanna get out of here.